Intimacy in Marriage

    I found this topic specifically interesting. I grew up with a father who always told his children that men were created to have sex and women were created to bare children. While this does ring some truth, it does not define a man and a woman, but there is scientific reasoning as to why some men feel the way they do and why women may feel the way they do.

    There are many reasons why some couples may participate in sexual intercourse with each other. They might be trying for a child, might want to feel passion, or may want to experience pleasure. But what is the cause for sexual intercourse deep down to the core. Women will have sex with their husband when they feel safe, close and warm. Men will have sex to feel safe, close and warm.

    There are four stages of human response during sex; the excitement stage, plateau stage, orgasm stage, and resolution stage. During the excitement stage, men will experience physical arousal through erection, and women will experience physical arousal through lubrication. Along with physical arousal, there will also be psychological changes within the body. The mens excitement stage will occur a lot quicker than the women’s stage does.

    The plateau stage will include a continuous high level of arousal which will last shortly for men and a little longer for women. During this phase, blood will rush to the woman’s vagina causing more pleasure for her. During the orgasm stage, the release of sexual tension occurs. This is usually the fastest stage of all. Contractions of the muscles will occur and relaxation will follow immediately afterwards. Women can experience these contractions in 3-15 different muscles throughout their body. Men experience two different phases, during the first phase contractions occur forcing semen out of the penis, and there is a point of no return. Ejaculation is inevitable in the second phase. 

    In the last phase, men recover. During this time, men are incapable of experiencing erection and ejaculation for at least a couple of minutes to hours. Both men and women take this time to recover back to how they felt before the excitement stage.

    A lot of the time, it is much more than just physical changes that happen to the physical body that meets the eyes. A lot of chemicals are released in both men and women when they are physically intimate with each other. When both men and women have sex, they release the chemicals serotonin and dopamine. Serotonin regulates the mood, happiness and anxiety of the body. This chemical decreases the ability of the body to experience bodily excitatory. Meaning you are less likely to pee or poop during sex. Dopamine is the pleasure chemical. During sex, the release of the chemical is increased, thus feeling more pleasure. Unlike men, women release an additional chemical called oxytocin. This chemical is the attachment chemical. This is why women are more likely to feel emotionally attached to the person they are intimate with. The more that women sleep with multiple men, the more the chemical bond is broken, and it is harder to feel attached to the significant other.

    So what happens when couples aren’t experiencing physical intimacy very often or not at all? When pleasure isn’t being met by the girl, she may not release oxytocin. There may not be that attachment that can make a couple thrive together. When there is a deficit of pleasure and it isn’t being communicated, a lot of the time, there is misunderstanding. They may not know how to please their partner or may not know what the problem is. With misunderstanding come low self-esteem. Sometimes when there isn’t communication, a partner may feel like it’s them physically. That they aren’t enough. This can really hurt someone’s feelings as childish as it sounds. Porn is becoming a more accepted entertainment method in today’s world. But with porn comes distorted images and expectations of what love should be like. If you are focusing on multiple people’s bodies, you are no longer focusing on the beauty of your personal relationship with your partner.

    Having sexual intercourse with your spouse is so beautiful. Sex is like a huge gift that is delicate. You should be cautious of how you approach it, save it for the best and open it with the person that means the most to you. It’s exciting and intimate. Having sex is something you do together. You shouldn’t view it as something that just gives you pleasure. Focus on your partner and in turn, you may receive the same.