Stresses Within Marriage

    I grew up in a very big family. I am the oldest of seven children and with that being said, I am the queen of recognizing different stressors that can occur within the family. I grew up witnessing people getting hurt, people struggling with finances, people struggling with addictions and relationships. I hate to break it to you, but practically everything can become a stressor. But what really determines if they are small stressors or big crises is dependent upon the resources that are available to the people experiencing the event in their life and how they respond to it.

    Like I stated before, addiction can become a huge stressor within the family. To expand on this idea, I want to state the obvious. When someone focuses solely on whatever they are addicted to, they begin to form a relationship with that substance whether it is pornography, drugs or anything that is unhealthy. When that person forms this new connection with the substance, the other connections with their family begin to pull apart. What used to be a healthy bond between each other, now begins to break. The addict will start to focus elsewhere and the rest of the family will begin to form bonds excluding the addict. Naturally, this small stressor can begin to become a crisis if not attended to. Many families have fallen apart simply because their bonds had been broken due to a lack of focus between each other.

    Illness is another stressor that can take a hold of a family's connection. Illness could also bring the family together. When someone becomes ill or experiences severe injuries, the family close to the person injured or sick can begin to blame each other or themselves or they can begin to grow stronger bonds based off of the injured or sick. 

    For example, one family lived in a low poverty apartment complex because they couldn’t afford to live somewhere nicer. The father of the household was always gone working and the mother stayed home with her daughter and a baby on the way. On the way to get mail, the mother ended up falling down the old stairs causing her to go into premature labor. The father missed the birth of the seven month old baby and when he got there, the nurse told him that he should go home and rest, and that they would call him to let him know if the baby wasn’t going to make it. That night, the baby died and the mother experienced the pain of heartbreak all alone. The nurses didn’t end up calling the husband so he never showed up. The death of this baby boy tore the couple apart. The mother blamed herself for killing the baby and blamed the father for not comforting her that night at the hospital. The father blamed himself for not making enough to live in a nicer apartment complex. He started to work more at his job in hopes that he could move out of the old apartment complex, but this caused the family to start to separate even more. The mom formed a stronger bond with her daughter and the father was left out. 

    Years had passed and they had several more kids. During this time, the parents had gone to therapy to talk about their trials and their misunderstandings with one another. The last birth resulted in two twin boys being born. Several years had passed and one of the twin boys had been diagnosed with cancer. As he laid on his deathbed, the family grew closer, talking more, reminiscing about good memories. The members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints reached out to this family, bringing food, extending their services to help the family. The father had decided then and there that he wasn’t going to work as much. He was going to spend more time with his family. Because of the death of this little boy, though very sad, the family was able to grow. When a family accepts the stressors in their lives and moves past the strenuous events by recognizing the hardships and communicating with one another, that is when their bond grows stronger.