Transition to Marriage

    Being married is a beautiful thing. When you decide to marry someone, you are fully intending on loving that one person romantically, supporting them financially, and emotionally. It is the biggest commitment one can make to a person. But that doesn’t mean that it is easy. Have you ever thought about the changes marriage takes? When you get married, you are completely exposed to your partner. Not only are you creating your own family, but you also become a part of your partner's family and they become a part of your family. Your responsibility as a crucial player in your relationship is to cater to your partner's needs and the same thing applies to them.

    Why do people get married today? Back in ancient Greece and Rome, people got married for political reasons. The middle class got married for economic reasons. But as time moves on, marriage has been more for love. Men have focused on being intimate with their wives instead of mistresses and women have looked to their husbands for intimacy solely because they love their husbands. Intimacy plays such a huge role in marriage, not only for bonding, but for increasing the love shared by more family members (i.e. children).

    By committing yourself to your partner through marriage, you are not only legally claiming that you are off limits, but physically, you are showing that you are taken (thus a ring). When you get married, everything is exposed. Your habits, your depts, your guilty pleasures. They all appear on the table. Sometimes, that can be really hard. Trying to accommodate for a whole other being can be embarrassing or frustrating. But the beautiful thing about marrying for love is that, since you love the person, you are willing to communicate those feelings. Communication is key to a marriage, but it must be effective communication. 

    I think one of the hardest things to recognize and get used to when getting married is that your family is doubling in size. You may completely fall in love with your partner's traits, but the rest of the partner’s family are all different. You may have clashing personalities, may not agree with some of their beliefs, but in a marriage, you have to accept them just as much as your partner accepts them. 

    You also have to recognize that you are creating your own family now. In today’s society, an average wedding costs $30,000. A lot of the time, the bride's family will pay for the wedding and with that money may come an expectation to rely on the bride's family more. The bride's family may expect you to go to their house for the first holidays after being married or call when you need help. But when the bride and groom take it upon themselves to pay for the wedding, that reliance is placed upon each other. It is so important to start a marriage relying on one another. Who is usually the one to plan the wedding? The bride and her mom. Instead of planning as a couple, the bride is deciding things with mom. In the future, that can become a huge problem. Instead of asking her husband questions or confining in her husband, she is now going to talk to her mom about problems or ask what she thinks. Take it upon yourself to spend most of the time planning with your partner. This creates a positive and healthy bond.

    When I first got married, I realized that my husband had needs to be met, and I also had needs to be met. We both have different love languages, mine being mainly words of affirmation and his being acts of service. I realized that the more that he and I would talk, the more I felt loved, and would communicate how much he appreciated me doing even the smallest things for him. Figuring out each other and building upon those strengths and needs can be difficult but once you get the hang of it, you have a best friend with you all the time that you love more than anything.

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